I really should be writing an important essay or two, but I’m not. I am just staring at something that isn’t there. You know, those vacant spaces that contain nothing, look like nothing, but are still there for you to look at, despite their nothingness. I am contemplating the last week or two and it makes me a little giddy. I have just had a wonderful few weeks spending time with wonderful new people. I feel inspired and they are obviously the reason otherwise I would never have even considered getting up and reading my poetry to a group of strangers. But they did it, and they were brave and they were beautiful and they did it. So I did too. I don’t know if I could do it again, but at least I tried.

I hate the size of the world. I hate that there is a distance that exists between people, that separates them, that keeps them away from one another. I hate that the distance can become short momentarily and time becomes amazing, something to be treasured forever. The sun is shining and we are laughing and everything seems perfect but then the footsteps take us in different directions and all of a sudden there are roads, paths, buildings, hills, rivers and sometimes even oceans that get in the way.

I want to cry over Laura I think. I mis her so much, every single day. She is the better part of me and more and I miss her so much. i don’t think she realises anymore, but I do. I want her to be here on my bed but she isn’t and won’t be for a very long time.

I want Amber to be here for a very long time but she won’t be.

In 2 or 3 or 4 years time we will all be so far apart and I miss us all already.

I am happy that over the summer there are some people I will be able to get to know better and spend more time with. If they would want me to that is. I am glad that Hull is finally beginning to mean something to me and make me see what I potentially have to offer, and what it has already had to offer me. Great things. I never thought I would say that but I have. This next month is going to be the happiest in a very long time and will undoubtedly be full of amazing fun and conversation and activity tinged (though not detrimentally) with infinite melancholy.

I want to live in this tree forever:

But it gets to live on me instead.