You ask where I have been lately and forget those times that I have attempted contact. Ignored once, twice, it doesn’t matter. They are still ignored. Or acknowledged slightly and that hint of communication exists momentarily but you break it once more and come to me later asking ‘where have you been?’
Paranoid faces and empty spaces where our words should have been. It makes me wonder why you ignore me so and then start believing that our roles have been reversed now. They haven’t. But I think I have given up for while as I am not sure what else I am supposed to do.
Tomorrow I have an exam and though it is only two hours of my life in which I will write approximately 8 to 9 pages of ideas, I cannot help but feel apprehensive. Which is unusual for me. A weighty expectation that exists in nobody but me. An attempt at ‘revision’ has been already been made, and failed tremendously today, though it is only 13 minutes to midday.
What do you do when you realise that you used the wrong word entirely? It may undo everything I have worked for, just one word. Miscegnation. How did I manage to get it so wrong? I wonder ifthey will notice? They are supposed to notice, in which case I may experience my first fail this coming July when those ominous scores are posted online. Counting words as well, how did she manage to screw us all up and get awayw ith it? 1000, or 500 more, it makes a difference you know. Get it right you pretentious, right-wing, ignorant snob. next year get it right, for their sakes.
The skin on the back of my legs is considerably darker than the skin on the front of my legs.
I am swaddled in towels and have half a mind to keep it this way. For the rest of my life, in this bed. Hair hidden, body on show a little bit with nobody to see. Just me. Wrapped loosely in cotton and smelling of Jasmine. All of my life and my hair will forever be wet.
Everything we do and think is a direct result of other peoples actions.
Discuss.
Scott says...
First of all, using one word in the wrong context does not constitute as an automatic fail, but you know that deep down, so no need to worry yourself.
I saw you in those swaddling clothes. It was cute. I wouldn’t mind if that is literally what you had on for the rest of your life. I think that winter would make it more difficult to continue wearing them as the cold will eventually take its toll.
I don’t have a major amount of time on my hands to discuss your comment “Everything we do and think is a direct result of other peoples actions.” But I do agree, whether its members of our family, people when spend time with, work colleagues and even people we are at war with. They are who shape us into who we are. Its like we are playdoh being squashed through tiny different shaped holes and what ever shape the hole is we come out the other side differently, shaped by the holes we have just been squashed through.
Recently I have been thinking about how everything and everyday is another challenge. As with most things challenges can be good or bad depending on the circumstances but at the end of the day we are just here to beat the challenge, if we can do that we move onto the next. Exactly like Mario and Bowser. Life is a sequence of meaningless challenges that we all must attempt to complete. They are infinite, as soon as one has finished the next one is starting. Some are multiplayer and need more that one person to complete.
I don’t know if its a depressing or a fairly optimistic approach to life but all I know is that my next challenge is to get to work without running out of petrol.
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