Today I am cold even though the sun is shining and everybody is wearing small shorts, sunglasses and vest tops. I am wearing black jeans, a dark grey, long t-shirt and a black jacket that has a hood. I feel like black feels. They way everybody assumes black feels so therefore that is how id does. Feel. Black.

My head is empty right now and there is a latent taste of chocolate at the back of my throat. My Right eye has bloodshot and the bruise on my leg has gone yellow. There is a distant beat behind both of my eyes, and my nose and the beat is telling me that I feel nothing just now. There are more grey pavement slabs on the ground than there were yesterday. And less sand. If i could blink my eyes and take a picture for you, I would.

It feels like I have 9 more hours of feeling nothing ahead of me. Because that is how many hours I do have ahead of me in which I shall feel nothing. Maybe not nothing. Maybe empty isn’t the right word. My mind has shut down into a state of complete nonchalance. I don’t care about what I am supposed to be doing because I care too much about it. That is why I don’t care. I never thought I would let myself get into such a predicament but I have.

Yesterday was a day that was green. It was yellow and green and full of blossom and I felt the grass between my toes and my muscles laugh when I cartwheeled across the floor. 2 + 2 = 5. I am now staring in between places. That minute stretch of something that comes before the sky but after the blocks and trees and points and bricks and metal. I wonder what is there. And I wonder if I can go.

The Larkin Building reminds me of a hamster cage when I look at it. A little labyrinth of rooms and tunnels for all of the little rodents to roam around in and find their place and sit and read and laugh. And sometimes cry

That chimney looks like the end of my pen.

I can see a huge pile of dirt and I am wondering what it would be like to be sitting in it having the dry and soft buts run through my hand with more resistance than sand would. I wonder what kind of stones I would find in there that could sit on my shelf with the others and be proud that they are not just insignificant stones anymore?

I wish that I was curled up somewhere soft and warm, with my stones by my side and my cat at my head and I was watching Hook or The Neverending Story and that it never ended.